Four ways to attract girls: 1) looks, 2) social skills – “game”, 3) relative status and 4) money. That breaks it down quite well. Instead of arguing about which one is “more important” we are going to focus on money in this post. You should always work towards maximizing all of your four categories. However. We assume you are at the *median* in the other three categories (no competitive advantage when it comes to status, looks or game. Simply the median).
1) Overview of Why Money Matters
2) Quick Calculations For Your Relative Dating Market Value
3) If She Can’t Experience It, It Does Not Exist
4) Why Over 70% of People Are “Below Average”
5) “But I Know a Rich Guy Who Struggles”
Overview of Why Money Matters
Since our readership is full of intelligent people… you already know why money matters. You can use money to improve your looks (clothes, healthier food). You can use money to hire a social skills coach (extreme situation). You can use money to hire a personal trainer (fitness). You can use money to elevate your relative status (owning expensive assets). Money simply makes life easier.
Please take a look at the graph below and you’ll understand why you should work hard in your 20s. The graph depicts her expectations of your income versus your age.
As you get older and older, the amount of money you’re *expected* to have will continue to increase! If you’re young (college or just out of college), girls do not have high expectations. You’re young, broke and hopefully cool/popular. Money doesn’t matter much.
You simply do the following: 1) get in incredible shape and join a sports team, 2) learn how to dress and 3) improve your social skills. Since girls do not have high expectations when you’re 18-22 years old, do not try to use money to get girls. You don’t have enough money and they do not care. They are more concerned with you being a cool and attractive person.
At 23 the fun begins.
For those of you that made the right decisions… the amount of money you’re making will help you *immensely*. If you are making ~$150K out of college as an investment banker, you’re going to have a slight edge over your competition. However. When you start making ~$300K+ at age 26-28 you are now in the top ~10% in major cities and life will get significantly easier.
In Short: When you are young, girls care much less about how much money you make. They care much more about how cool you are (status). How attractive you are (looks). How funny and interesting you are (“game”). This changes at age ~23. Even if you’re still trying to date younger girls they *expect* you to have some income. Living at home in your parents basement is simply not going to cut it. You should have a roommate for the first year or two, post college. But. You should go ahead and live on your own by the time you are ~25 years old.
Quick Calculations For Your Relative Dating Market Value
Unlike other places on the Internet, we are going to break down the income brackets for you in a simple graph.
As you can see by the graph, you need to make *at least* the median income in order to consistently date girls in the 6-7 range. If you are extremely good looking or have extremely high status (musician, DJ etc.) you can break these rules. But. Nothing else will help you if you’re below the median. If you have incredible social skills but can’t even afford to live in a major city, the girl is going to ditch you. A girl who is a solid 7 still has dating options.
Girls in the 5 and Below Range: As mentioned in the graph… Who cares. Don’t bother “practicing game” on these girls. Simply avoid them and move on. One day you will black out from partying too much and make a mistake. But. Do not talk to these girls on purpose! Everyone has a loss somewhere on their dating resume.
Girls in the 6 Range: A six is simply your type but other people wouldn’t be attracted to them. If you like XYZ type look and she’s “okay” it usually means she’s a 6 to you and a 5 to someone else. This shouldn’t matter to you, so simply proceed as normal. She knows she’s in the 7 range for most guys and will adjust her expectations accordingly (notice: girls automatically give themselves 1 extra point). This means you should generate at least the median income.
Girls in the 7 Range: Now you’re solidly in “cute” territory. This means the girl knows she’s relatively attractive and she will raise her expectations. You need to be in decent shape, have decent social skills and not be socially awkward. More importantly, since this is about money, you should generate at least 1.0-1.5x the median income to consistently get girls in the 7 range.
Girls in the 8 Range: Competition is heating up aggressively. Just like improvement, dating is not a linear curve. It is an exponential curve. Girls in the 8 range know they are attractive. They are approached all of the time and will raise their standards yet again. You need to be in shape, decent looking and have solid social skills. You also need to generate serious amounts of cash flow to stay in the 8 range consistently. This means you need to generate at least 3.0-4.5x the median income. It becomes much more complicated at these levels. If you’re doing great on all of the other items (looks, status, social skills) you only need to generate about 3x the median income.
Girls in the 9+ Range: Now we are in the upper echelon. Congratulations! Anything in the “9-10” range is simply a girl everyone will say is gorgeous. In addition, she is likely your “type”. Meaning if you’re into Latin girls or if you’re into white girls, the lowest they will be called is a “9”. A 10 to you may be a Russian blonde, but if another person likes Asian girls she will be a “9”. These girls have an incredible amount of options. For all you know, they are already high end escorts for wealthy men in the 9 figure range. If you want to consistently compete at this level you need to generate 5-10x the median income. The range gets much wider depending on who you are. One thing is for sure. Extremely attractive women have a ton of options so they will not date men who are “average”. Anyone who believes otherwise is simply full of it. Good luck splitting a $40 round of drinks with a girl in the 9 range. You’ll get paved.
In Short: You can calculate your worth pretty easily. If you’re doing fine in all of the three other categories and you can generate the median income… You can pick up girls in the 7 range consistently.
“As long as you have two commas in your bank account… You will always be a seven” – Wall Street Playboys
The quote above isn’t really a joke. If you have $1M generating ~5-6% returns you are making the median household income (post-tax) and will have no problem dating 7s. If you’re in the seven figure net worth range and cannot do this it means you either: 1) have serious social issues, 2) are out of shape and are in bad health or 3) are not spending any of it. The third piece is critical.
If She Can’t Experience It, It Does Not Exist
Repeat that phrase over and over again. If a girl cannot experience the money you have, it does not exist in her mind. This is why we continue to hammer down the importance of building a company *and* building a career in your 20s. If you make $1.2M a year but live in an RV located in Alaska… She’s not going to care about you.
The income requirements are based on money being *used*. If you generate the median income and use all of it, you will be able to date 7s without much trouble.
Location: As you can imagine, the median income requirements are based on *your city*. In major cities such as New York, San Francisco, Los Angeles and Miami, this is roughly $80-85K gross income. If you are living in a city where the median wage is only $1K a month and can spend $3K a month… You’re well into the 8 range. Income depends on your location. Everything in life is relative.
Net Worth Can Be Meaningless: In the extreme case where you are worth $5M+. But. Live in an RV… Girls will not care at all. If you are generating $250K+ in disposable income but spend $1K a month, you’re not going to get any girls. If you generate $250K+ in spendable income but you are *using it all* now you’re getting somewhere.
Create The Experience: This is where being well rounded will help you immensely. You should have many hobbies. You leverage these hobbies into interesting experiences which can include the following: 1) front row tickets to a concert, 2) tables directly next to the DJ, 3) large sporting events such as the Mayweather Pacquiao fight, 4) high end art events, 5) charity events where you are seen literally giving money away, 6) nice apartment/condo in the center of the city, 7) using a black car service at all times, 8) drugs and 9) anything else you can think of. If you don’t have a personality then you already know what to do… Get out of your comfort zone. No attractive girl is going to enjoy spending her time around a type A boring person. They want excitement and fun. Looking at a 10-year yield curve is no where on her list.
Boring City, Limited Upside: This is yet another topic we don’t see discussed much. If you live in a city that is boring and does not have much to do… You’re limiting your ability to leverage your income. This is absolutely critical. If you get into the 3x median income range and find that there is no way to leverage your income… It is time to leave! In addition, the cities with the least to do typically have the least attractive women! You can apply this across countries as well. If you live in the most popular city in country X you’re going to find that there are a lot more forms of entertainment and the “high end” has high caliber women (PHD, Lebain, Catch, 1Oak). Sure there may be rare “exceptions to the rule” but we don’t know many cities full of attractive women with nothing to do (you couldn’t pay us enough to live in Nampa, Idaho).
In Short: If she can’t experience it, it does not exist. If you are an 8 figure man and spend $1K a month you’re not going to obtain any leverage out of your cash flow. Find interesting hobbies and use them to meet the girls you like. If you can spend 3x the median income in your city and are not able to meet women, this is a clear sign that 1) looks, 2) social skills or 3) status needs to be raised immediately. Something needs to be fixed.
Why Over 80% of People Are “Below Average”
This graph explains everything in life. It explains income, it explains dating and it even explains life experiences. There is a massive positively biased skew to life and over 80% of people will fall below the average. This is simply reality.
Knowing that ~80% of people are going to fall below average you know that the girls are going to flock to the top 20%. This is shown on numerous college campus studies where 1/5 of the men receive the majority of the sex (Reiteration: join a college sports team if you can! Full ride + immediate status).
This ratio doesn’t change as you get older and likely gets worse! Particularly as you get into the 30+ range where many men have decided to marry and others simply gave up and settled for a life of mediocrity.
Staying Above Average on the Income Side: This one is easy. Read our post on careers and you will have a hard time being below average. If you put in your best effort based on what type of intelligence you have… You will make money at or above the average. This will give you enough income to spend *at least* the median level in your city and invest the rest. You’ll gain momentum over time particularly as your event and performance based income increases over time. In the interim… You are spending at or slightly above the median to maintain a normal and fun social life.
Use Money to Improve Your Looks: You cannot do anything about your height. You cannot do anything about your race. You can do a lot with 1) your build, 2) your hair style, 3) the clothes you wear, 4) your body language and 5) your diet. Instead of wasting hours and hours talking about things you cannot control, focus on the 5 items listed in this paragraph. Do the opposite of your peers and get a basic understanding of how to improve your looks. Use your money to get a solid gym membership, purchase some nice fitting clothes, stretch daily to improve your posture and of course use that money to buy premium fuel for your body (fruits, vegetables, fish oil etc.).
Use Money to Improve Your Status: This is straight forward. In a club environment, the easiest way is to become friends with the bouncer and bartender. Alternatively. You can go straight for the jugular and obtain the table next to the DJ. It simply depends on where you are in life. If you’re trying to compete with guys in the 8 figure range in the most expensive club in town on an investment banking associate budget… You’re going to struggle. This is simply reality. Find a venue that has girls you’d like to meet and calculate your relative status in that environment. If you will be in the top ~1/5 in the venue… It’s the correct venue to enter.
In Short: Life is a positively skewed bell curve. It is not a normal bell curve. The vast majority of people fall below average leaving an open field for those in the top 20%. This ratio only gets worse over time and if you can get into the top 2-3% you’ll be swimming in options. Sooner than later… you’ll be avoiding phone calls. If you have to go out of your way to meet girls and you are 30+… Something went wrong.
“But I Know a Rich Guy Who Struggles”
To wrap up this post, the most common rebuttal is someone saying “I know a rich guy who can’t get girls! Therefore money doesn’t matter!”
This is pure non-sense. We have provided a solid guideline to how much money you need to make…
For a 7: ~1.0-1.5x median income; For an 8: ~3-4.5x median income; For a 9: 5.0x+ median income.
The only way this equation *does not work* is if you violate the original premises laid out in the post. We simply have not seen anyone with normal social skills and an income of $250K+ complain about girls in NYC. If you are 1) overweight, 2) dress like a slob, 3) don’t spend money on experiences and 4) have horrible social skills, then you have broken the rules in this post.
Boring Type A Personality: This is the most common. Many, many, many people with high incomes do not have an interesting personality. This is why we recommend going out 2x per week when you’re young (Thursday & Saturday). This creates a baseline for your social skills. It forces you to improve. Under no circumstances do you live inside of a basement coding the next amazing app for 7 years straight. You deserve to go out at least two times a week. If you know someone who is a boring type A person but has money… You know what to do. Befriend them and try to see if you can create money together. If there is no business overlap and the guy is unwilling to learn basic social skills, stop returning his calls. Move on.
Simply Unattractive: You don’t need to be a model. You don’t need to be 6′ 3″ with blonde hair, blue eyes and a testosterone level of 1,000 at all times. You simply need to be the best *you* that you can be. If you are of average height but have a solid build, you’re going to be well ahead of your peers. Guys who are shorter but are built like “Greek gods” are going to do just fine (Frank Zane is a great example). Again. You do not have to look like a professional body builder either. Simply get your body fat into the single digits and put on extra muscle weight. As a review, here are the general guidelines (get to within 85-90% of these numbers):
Wrist Measurement Multiplied by (Number) to Obtain Ideal Body Part Metric: Chest:6.57x, Waist:4.57x, Hip:5.57x Thigh:3.43x Bicep:2.43x Neck:2.43x Calves:2.29x Forearm: 1.86x
Poor Style: This is honestly an epidemic. While obesity is certainly the number one epidemic in the USA, poor fit and poor style is second on the list. It does not take much to look nice! Simply find clothes that fit and put them on!
In addition, take the next step and also find what colors suit you best. We don’t know if you are Black, White, Latino, Asian, Indian or Middle Eastern (we also don’t care). But. Please find the colors that will match your skin tone best. Here is a quick and basic book on the topic.
In Short: The argument of knowing a “rich guy who struggles” is simply rationalization. The person is trying to find examples to prove he is correct. This way he does not have to take responsibility for his life or his decisions. The only group of people we see struggle with women (once they clear 3x the median wage) are… Type A boring people and extremely lazy slobs. If you go out 2x per week and stay in shape? You’re not going to end up in this camp.
Use this to filter out your friends. Anyone who tries to tell you money doesn’t matter… is rationalizing their failures. Take a mental note and slowly fade away from them.
This post focused primarily on income and dating. If you are extremely handsome “a male 10” or have extremely high status in an area (DJ, Musician, etc.) then you can certainly break these rules. The overall premise, however, is the same. If you can spend 1.5x the median wage in your city (not save but spend on experiences) then you will have no problems dating in the 7 range. If you can get into the 5x median range and are in shape with solid social skills, you’re going to be sending girls into voice-mail consistently.
– For a 7: ~1.0-1.5x median wage ; For an 8: ~3-4.5x median wage; For a 9: 5.0x+ median wage
– If you cannot find a way to date attractive girls while spending 3x+ the median wage in your city, the problem is personal. You should be able to obtain dates easily by having better ideas, better venues (concerts, major events, private parties, charity events) and better logistics
– As you get older, girls expect you to make more money. When you’re young take advantage of this and prepare for the future. By 30 you should be at or above the median in spending power (bare minimum).
– “As long as you have two commas in your bank account you will always be a seven”
– If she can’t experience it, it does not exist. If your net worth is in the 8 figure range but you live in an RV and dress like a slob, no one will care.
– Location matters a lot for 1) determining median income, 2) potential upside in terms of experiences and 3) your ability to leverage your income to *your advantage*
– Money can improve your looks, it can improve your status (calculate the relative value of people at the venue) and it can even improve your social skills as you should feel much more confident in your personal value
– Dating and *life in general* is a positively skewed bell curve. Roughly 80% of people are below average. This is simply a harsh truth.
– Anyone who claims that money is irrelevant is simply rationalizing or is extremely young (has not seen the wealth impact yet). If they are in their 20s, they don’t know whats going to happen when the inflection point hits (around 30) and the long-term pain will come (40+).
– Avoid people who attempt to rationalize their poor decisions.
– Hat tip “blogging buddy” Financial Samurai for the post idea
– from the comments here is the “median” for the other three categories:
Looks: you are about 5’8″. You are roughly 13-15% body fat. You are not fat or skinny or ripped. You know how to wear appropriate fitting clothes. You look better with a shirt on than a shirt off at the beach.
Game: you don’t have social anxiety issues. You can spark a convo at a bar with girls or at a coffee shop. You do not have cold hard calculated regimens. A guy with incredible game can teach you a trick or two but you don’t *need* advice. You are socially normal.
Status: since you’re at the median it doesn’t hurt or help you. You are not a DJ, bartender, promoter, musician, gangster, or ball player. You are simply a typical guy in the environment. You are not able to push guys around with status symbols (tables, bottles, sports car).
Notably, we will not let the post degrade into a debate regarding “what is more important” (IE: Looks or game, money or looks, status or money etc.)
Why? It depends on who you are talking to.
If the girl is obsessed with music you are going to have a huge edge by being in a good band (status).
If the girl is a trust fund baby, you are going to have a huge edge by being attractive since she doesn’t need the money (looks)
If the girl is upper middle class and lives a boring life, your edge is going to come from entertainment/fun (game)
If the girl is dead broke and is a gold digger, you’re going to have a huge edge by being rich (money)
Just don’t trust them!
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Updated for 2017 and beyond.