I’m a Failure

There is no doubt about it ever since I was born I have been a failure.

As a teenager the failures accelerated.

*pop pop pop*

You learn to distinguish between gun shots and backfire early in life.

The difference is that it was two in the morning. Instead of waking up and exiting the room I decided to freeze and do nothing. Normally, any loud gunshot noises would be attributed to my father’s gun underneath his bed but for some reason… I had a feeling. Call this spiritual, call me a hippie it doesn’t matter because he’s dead now and there is no doubt in my mind that if I had run out to simply call 911 he would be alive. Strike one and a failure at life. Life isn’t baseball so if you don’t act in the moment you don’t get any second chances.

“You are not a man until you fail at an event that is life changing”

What they don’t teach you in school or at home is that death is quick and it is over in less than an hour. The ambulance flips in, they console the members inside for a mere 10-20 minutes pretending to use the EKG machine when everyone knows the man has passed. They move on quickly and it’s over. A few days later there is a simple line in the obituary section of the local paper “so and so died due to X”.

What do you do at this point? Everyone decides to grieve… This means that the solution is to avoid grievance. Being young and stupid it was time to turn all of the pent up aggression into something actionable. The only place where it is appropriate to be aggressive and competitive this day and age? Sports.

Everyday. Up at 5:00am running sprints and… everyday the same nightmare would wake me up. I would be stuck in bed listening to the same sounds and instead of waking up to open the door a mere 8 feet away I would stay put. Frozen.

Luckily? When everyone is feeling bad for you they leave you alone, more time to train, more time to get better and more time to instill the right habits. This recurring nightmare lasted a few months but I can tell you I would train harder than anyone in a 100 mile radius.

While I will always regret not taking action when I could have… I started to realize that this may have been the best mistake I have ever made. The same father was an alcoholic, abusive and angry person. Nothing that I personally wanted to become, which makes it even more humorous that anyone would believe I am unhappy with my current life. I simply enjoy giving out the truth.

The changes that occurred over the next year were night and day. Within a mere 12 months a close family member turned to alcohol, another one barely graduated high school and the last one, myself, had a completely different set of friends by year end.

I was possessed and they were obsessed. That was the difference.

At this point high school was becoming a bit annoying. Every two weeks some kids at school would comment on their ability to pick what color shirt and pants I would be wearing (had six shirts and four pants for the record) so it wasn’t really difficult. The difference was that they would eventually see me after school, in the gym, at the track, or seconds before a game started.

The color of my shirt didn’t matter during those times.

Slowly things changed. I had over twenty shirts. None of them purchased but won from events and other accomplishments (still had the same ripped up pants though) until finally the phone rang.

“Hi, this is [division 1 university] and we’re looking to speak with X”

I had conversations with military recruits but nothing like this. Over the next 12 months I would be flown out for recruiting sessions, all of these 5:00am extra workout sessions were paying off. Eventually signed the dotted line and thought my life was set. Nothing further from the truth.

Anyone who has been a collegiate athlete knows that you are in for a world of hurt. You may have priority registration but you have multiple team workouts (3-4 hours a day is the norm). This was fine for me. Small fish in a big pond just means more room for growth.

“The biggest room in the world is the room for improvement”

I thought I trained hard before. I was dead wrong. As usual.

I was out of breath and out of my league for several months but still a top recruit from the fresh meat. Still pushing through athletically, until… it hit me. I started to realize that many guys didn’t have a career track. The seniors seemed to graduate and linger around hanging on to the good old days because they had no marketable skills for work.

For better or worse the decision would be made for me, during a freezing winter day I would suffer an injury that sidelined me for a full year. No pain no gain is an incredibly true cliche.

The downside? No way to pay for school anymore. Instead I needed to maximize my time.

I started applying for jobs and got nothing. Zero. Zilch. Nada. Applied to over 100+ positions and I did not get a single call back. Desperation time.

While I did everything I could to find work I eventually took an unpaid position at the bottom of the totem pole. I don’t mind shoveling s*** sandwiches if it needs to be done.

What did I do for income in the mean time? Lets just say it is not something anyone would be proud of but I sold enough minty wrapping paper to get by and was relatively smart in mathematics leading to a few tutoring roles. As long as I made enough to eat and sleep it was good enough for me.

“Today is when you do what others won’t so you can accomplish what they never will”

Deja Vu.

Like clock work. One of the resume drops hit. After being rejected by more companies than I have hair on my head… a bucket shop, chop shop, s*** cap, micro cap insert shady investment bank has decided to bring me in for an interview. When the lime light is on you better perform. I prepare for hours and land the opportunity.

For a broke failure of a human being… this isn’t that bad. I clock in the most hours by intern standards… by far.

Leverage. New year and even more interviews follow.

“When you’re about to give up you know it is time to push harder, you’re millimeters from your goal”

Today? I’m still a failure.

Not a day goes by when I don’t fail at something. I fail at doing maximum reps and maximum sprints (the injury is practically healed) and I continuously fail at trying to win new business. If I go a day without failing at something, I consider it a waste of a day.

“The difference between a failure and an idiot is if you learn from your mistakes”

Maybe this message is useless and you simply succeed at everything you do. You’ve never missed the game winning shot, you’ve never been turned down for a job, you’ve never had a girl give you the classic head turn, you just succeed at everything you do.

If that’s true… well I feel bad for you. It means you have never attempted to reach your potential. You can do better.

“The world would be a better place if everyone reached their potential”

I will always be a failure because I learned a hard lesson early in life. Always take action. Always maximize your potential.

The only way to do this, is to fail, fail harder and accept each failure for what it is… A learning experience.


  1. Jake ST says

    Wow. Great post I have to say I didn’t like this blog and the message but posts like this really hit home for me.

    Going to get busy failing today!

  2. Kevin says

    This is a great quote:

    “You are not a man until you fail at an event that is life changing”

    It seems that most down to earth guys have life changing experiences. The more you’ve been through, the less rattled you are from other events.

  3. Les-72 says

    For some reason it seems like you’re harboring some resentment either from inaction or for your family life. Can’t put my finger on it.

    • Wall Street Playboys says

      No resentment. The truth is it took a good 3-5 years post the first major failure (inaction) however as time goes by you end up taking away the important lessons.

      1) the only death is stagnation
      2) sometimes your family members can hold you back, and do so immensely (see alcoholic/negative mindset/bad influence). Just because you are related does not mean they have anything to offer you.
      3) Life is short. anyone who believes life is long has not experienced death, make the most of your time, you never know when the music is going to stop

      Once you really believe the points above and listed in this comment you become a very happy, dynamic and motivated individual. You don’t need to be told to work hard because you enjoy it.

      • Kahel says

        Just loved your 3 points! I think about them almost everyday, but it turns out more like a kind of fear…

        I’m glad you mentioned the second point. Ideas “learned” when just clever enough to understand sanctions and rewards (age 5 +or-) are hard to rationalize about, as those became principles we don’t even think about any more. More over, unless they seriously and personally harmed us, we tend to idealize our parents and family members as if they weren’t the same kind as the 7 billion others. So ideas pass and you listen, but those may drive you away from your goal, without you realizing it.

        Two things that helped me get a better control (yet far from complete) of my mind, ideas and choices:

        – First, look at your relatives the same way you’d look at a total stranger. “Is this guy a threat?”, says your brain as it assesses the unknown. Now, ever met that silly arrogant as###le that ruined your day? Well, I’m sure his children enjoy having the greatest daddy in the world and his sister agrees you’re a hell of a bas***d for what you’ve done to her bro. People are human, and human brains can’t avoid mistakes. And among 7B people, “why would my family be the one that doesn’t make any mistake”? When I started wondering whether my relatives were objective when talking shit about someone else, like checking an article sources, I realized they were often driven by their egoism and thus distorted the truth.

        – Then, once you know human beings can be wrong and your relatives don’t escape the rule, try to find out which of your principles came from relatives you idealized (or who had power of decision over you and could give sanctions if you didn’t respect those principles). Do they fit your long term goals? Are they that relevant? If you think they are, can you answer why, not just saying “just because”, “it’s obvious”, “Jesus did it”?

        When you’re able to look at your relatives like nobodies, you gain freedom of course, but you enjoy even more those who really count, whom you can exchange with and whom you can help because you know them better.
        And if you’ve come to ask yourself “Seriously, is becoming rich that bad an idea?”, well drop it, because Mommy obviously took that from the TV.

  4. Saeba says

    Great post, following a lot of great content being published at a fast pace since January.

    Reading your post reminded that success is a blessing and a curse, as it’s easy to get complacent once you reached a comfortable level of success. Especially if you started low, it’s tempting to settle there, but your posts come as a good wake up call to keep aiming higher. Thanks for that!

    • Wall Street Playboys says

      Very true.

      Complacency is a slow death. You’re driving 65 mph on the freeway when everyone else is driving at 70. In a short time period, even one year, you’re behind the pack and grinding again when you previously had the lead.

      This is why, retirement and sitting on the beach is for suckas!

  5. Why? says

    Why were there 3 shots instead of 1? I am guessing this is a suicide and a terrible thing to deal with growing up.

    • Wall Street Playboys says

      The post was carefully crafted for anonymity so can’t answer this.

      Overall the message is the same. Inaction is death – that is the most important message to take away from the first few paragraphs.

  6. El says

    I love this article and I just keep coming back to it.
    I think this is one of the best blogs in the manosphere and teaches more about game n life
    Than any “PUA Guru”.
    My personal experience- the pull up. Never existed an exercise which I hated more than this bastard.
    until one day I had enough and I bought one for my door, that was 2 years ago and now I’m knocking
    Sets of 25 and it’s my personal favorite.
    And if you told fatass me I would do this in 2 years I would laugh in your face.

    Keep up the good work :)

    • Wall Street Playboys says

      Great story that is what it is all about.

      Love how you installed one in your own home. A daily reminder, daily motivation. Next thing you know, something you hated turns into something that people believe you are “gifted” in

      In reality, the only gift was your own actions and determination.

      • El says

        Thanks for the support and twitting my comment, It’s nice to think my story inspired someone to push themself over the pain of failing.

        My next goal (’cause you always need to have a goal in life) :
        Acing the IDF Fitness test- 76 push ups, 87 sit ups and 2 km under 7 minutes.
        I’m working out 6 days/week and i got 7 weeks to the test.

        Wish me luck.

  7. a says

    Great content. It really hit home with me. I however had a major health issue (It was like death to me, and I came out the other side).

    It took me ~6 years to finish college instead of the usual 4, but I really had to improve my health before I got into the real world (would have been a total shitshow). Still recovering, but every day I’m getting closer.

    Very inspirational. Keep it up.

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