You’ll look back in several years and laugh at who you used to be. Instead of going through the easy changes here’s a side by side sample of what you may be doing wrong.
1) Dress Code
Old You: You’re getting ready. Your clothes are all over the place. Colors range from white to black with a few “lucky shirts” jeans and multiple colors of the black shoes. You haven’t decided where you’re going but you always end up at the same spots your friends recommend. You jump out of the shower and you opt for the safe bet. Dress shirt with collar, untucked, sleeves rolled up, jeans and a pair of those black shoes.
New You: Blazer and slacks is the minimum. The longest distance of the tie matches the longest distance of your lapel. Your tie does not match your colorful pocket square. You’ve had the jacket tailored because your chest is 8+ inches larger than your waist outgrowing the classic European 7″ drops suit. If you don’t have a date, you already know what night it is and what the best spots are, a quick check in the mirror and you’re good to go.
Old You: Your boys come over. Or you go to your boys spot… Shots. You start talking about how this is going to be the best night ever as you cling your $2 glasses together for those shots of grey or patron. Amped up and nearing high intoxication you are ready to go, smartphone in hand texting some guys who are running late and “missing out”. Before you head out you jam to the latest top 40’s song, something like this:
New You: You have a small brown paper bag with ingredients for a 12 ounce juice. Collards or Kale, and just enough apples or pears to make the juice tolerable. You take it down to make that hangover softer the next morning. You pour a single glass of champagne and do a few stretches to warm up. In the background your simplistic sound system is popping happier low-key music and you are a few minutes away from heading out the door.
Old You: You enter with your buddies, likely getting ID checked due to the wardrobe and pack of guys with you. As you enter you B-line it for the bar to order the first round of many. It is too early in your mind to engage with anyone so instead of scouting the setup you simply post up at the fastest place to grab a drink. You all order similar drinks, either beers or one drunk guy in the group is asking for yager bombs already.
New You: You enter quickly. Instead of heading to the bar you go straight to the bathroom so you can diagnose the traffic spots, the people who are in large groups and who is in pairs. You decide on the most optimal place in the bar, usually the direct line from the bathroom to the bar and you step up to order something with strength if it is crowded or a light glass of champagne if it is currently slow. You turn your back to the bar at an angle to allow people to order but maintain the spot since you’ll be doing a quick chat up soon.
4) First Interaction
Old You: It’s real early in the night. You are already borderline drunk and you see a girl is eying you. You don’t have to do much to start the interaction so you simply say hello. After 5 minutes in the conversation you think she is not really ready to have a long conversation so you ask if she would like a drink, she says yes. You order the drink, chat for a few minutes after handing it to her and she quickly states “I need to find my friends”. Nexted. You place your hands in your pockets.
New You: It’s real early in the night. You are sober and you can tell a girl is eying you. You simply say hello, but mentally note she is furiously checking her iPhone, likely to meet the rest of her group. After 5 minutes in the conversation you say “what do you drink” she says her favorite drink and you motion her over. You move to the most open area of the bar and stand directly next to a semi drunk man in jeans and a rolled up collared shirt. After grabbing drinks you say cheers smile, take a sip motion for “one second” and walk away for what she thinks is a moment. As you walk the drunk guy begins talking to her and you note that she’ll be glad to see you later in the night.
5) A Foreign Accent
Old You: You hear a few people nearby talking in Spanish. Naturally you ask if they are from (Spain/Mexico/Cuba etc.). Conversation goes okay and one catches on and she mentions she just graduated college. You say “oh what do you do out here”, her eyes gloss over but you don’t notice it because you’re fairly drunk. She gives you the basics of her life. She tells you her major, you tell her yours, her feet are already pointing to the dance floor as she scans for other suitors.
New You: As you’re walking to a different area of the club, likely near the stairs, you hear people speaking Spanish. Instead of making the assumption you listen one extra time to make sure you got the accent right. Nope, Portuguese. A glance over and you catch eye contact and say “Oi, tudo bem?”. They laugh and one asks how you know and you simply say you went to XYZ city for work. One chimes in “What do you do?” (you notice this will veer into a boring conversation) “I sell drugs for a living”. They laugh since no attractive girl actually cares about what you do for a living. At this point you’re deciding to continue the interaction or go back to girl one who is standing tapping her foot out of boredom once all her friends have arrived. You grab her number by handing her phone over with the add contacts feature showing to the most interesting one saying “you have to go talk to a friend”.
Old You: A popular song comes on and you catch eye contact with a decent looking girl. You go chat for a few minutes. Both of you are tipsy so you dance in American style which consists of barely moving your hips and flailing one or both arms in the air. You got lucky today so she leans in and is giving you obvious cues she likes you. You make out with her immediately… You didn’t note her friends 5 feet away as they laugh at how drunk you guys are. After 5-10 minutes you meet her and her friends and end up spending the next 35-45 minutes of the night hanging out with them.
New You: You hear a specific song related to group two, you know they can dance and head over for a second ending the interaction with girl one for now. By your surprise only one girl knows how to dance and she can only speak Spanish. Instead of letting the interaction turn into a long 30-40 minute spell you simply say, “Vamos” and stand within eye sight of the group. You dance on one because she looks bored, she missed the entire previous interaction. After 2-3 minutes before the song ends you head back to the same group who are undoubtedly happy and cheerful.
Old You: You live with your roomates and can’t find a way to bring the whole group because they won’t leave the girl with you alone. Your boys have all blacked out and did the classic Irish good-bye. Tough situation. You settle for a number and give the girl a kiss on the cheek to neutralize the obvious caveman game you were running in direct sight of her friends. Not that bad. You head back out and stumble on your way home grabbing some Street Eats on the way home.
New You: You notice girl one is a bit annoyed you didn’t dance with her. You tell the second group you have to go and dance with your “friend” and you will call the original girl soon. She smiles and says okay. You walk over to girl number one and she’s a bit annoyed “so you don’t want to dance with me?”. You laugh and say “Of course, lets go” and head to the dance floor. You dance on three instead, slowing down the pace so its easier to convey body language. Naturally giving some isolation dance moves for her to have a great time, laughing and smiling. During one of the spin moves you glance at your wrist and see it’s getting late but you know of a cool spot just down the Street. You bounce with her, friends already approve as they haven’t seen a sloppy makeout session on the dance floor.
Old You: You abide by a 24-72 hour rule and text with the same message every time. No process a simple “hey how are you” or a “how’s your day”. You don’t notice a varying response rate based on her interest. Instead you simply try to set up a meet as fast as possible. You shoot maybe 5-10%.
New You: You have a system. If she responds to your initial message from the night before she’s sending emotionally charged messages or she’s flat. Instead of wasting your time, you stack your messages. You call the ones with heavy interest and let the other ones slide with a text since you know they are low probability. Luckily you’ve learned to not get stuck in text messaging hell.
Old You: WTF is voicemail?
New You: You assume the sale if she doesn’t pick up. Letting her choose to hit you with a call or text, by stating they can do either. You don’t waste your time asking for her to respond. Within an hour a message hits your phone.
10) Date Game
Old You: You know of a few cool spots in town and take her out to drinks. You show up late. You are wearing the same jeans and collared shirt. Your go to move is to hit the dance floor and aggressively escalate.
New You: You dress based on her personality, conservative with a tie or relaxed without. You hit a spot with light food and drinks. Everyone in the spot knows you because you’re a regular. You quickly bounce to a new venue a block away, no line for you. After slipping through you chit chat, sitting side by side of course, with a drink in hand. You dance but it’s on beat, on three and you don’t bother with going aggressive. You sell her on going back to your spot for champagne…
Are you evolving?